Fantasy Movies & Television Fantasy Reviews

Rewatching Potter: The Sorcerer’s Stone

It’s time for another Fantastic Beasts movie and what better way to celebrate than by watching all of the Harry Potter movies for the bajillionth time and writing about them? Exactly, it’s the best way.

As an precursor, I have to admit that I haven’t watched films one through three for over a decade. It’s as though I’m watching The Sorcerer’s Stone for the first time. I’ve also realized this movie is 17 years old and find that horrifying.

If you haven’t seen the film, this is all spoilers. And I feel sorry for you. Here are my thoughts now that I’m watching these as an adult:

  1. The first bit of magic was the deluminator!
  2. I had forgotten the Dursleys treated Harry like Cinderella – making him cook breakfast and serve them. They’re literally the worst people ever. The bratty kid, the crappy uncle and the mean aunt.
  3. Parceltongue came up so early! I had no idea. Though as I recall, you can’t typically understand what they’re saying. Definitely a revision later in the movie series.
  4. I’ve never understood why the Dursleys weren’t excited to get rid of Harry at Hogwarts. I’m sure there’s some reason given in the books but I just can’t remember it. Literally the worst.
  5. I love the dramatics of letters shooting out of the fireplace. I imagine an admin getting pissed at the lack of response and just sticking it to them.
  6. The tragedy of a birthday cake drawn in the dirt is deep.
  7. What! They tried to shoot Hagrid. There’s a lot I don’t remember about this book or movie.
  8. I wonder how many 11-year-olds hoped to get a letter from Hogwarts on their birthday.
  9. Ahhhh, there it is. Petty Aunt Petunia keeping Harry from his family history thanks to her prejudices and simple mindedness. To think I actually didn’t hate her at the end of the series.
  10. I’m amazed at how pissed I am seeing that horrible kid eat Harry’s cake. That’s just not right. Stealing cake should be one of the unforgivable curses.
  11. I forgot about creepy-ass Quirrel. How nobody suspects him until the end is beyond me.
  12. I’ll always be enchanted by Diagon Alley. This reminds me how wondrous it was to see all of this in action.
  13. Another childhood dream is discovering I’m actually a secret millionaire. Maybe that’s why I really loved Harry Potter…
  14. Whenever I see vaults in movies, I wonder who stacked all the coins in fancy, strategic piles. I picture someone spending hours getting it right. Gotta love prop masters.
  15. Wow, he just destroys the wand shop. I’m amazed this guy is still in business.
  16. Olivander is the real hero of the film. How can somebody remember the wands of every child to ever learn magic?
  17. HEDWIG!
  18. The big Voldemort-Harry origin scene is so much more powerful in the final film. Throwing Snape in there just makes it so sad.
  19. Way to just leave an 11-year-old alone in the train station with no instructions on how to enter a magical train platform.
  20. And the Weasleys save the day!
  21. I love that the Hogwarts Express is an old-school locomotive. No fancypants bullet trains for these wizards.
  22. Aww, the first meeting of Harry and Ron.
  23. Harry uses his newfound wealth to buy all the candy. Brilliantly accurate. It’s like Blank Check with magic.
  24. Yaasss, the QUEEN has arrived. Hermione is a boss from the first word.
  25. The first sighting of Hogwarts is truly epic.
  26. Can’t say that I appreciate McGonnagal’s shady Slytherin pronunciation. We’re not all bad!
  27. I wish Harry had just slapped Draco on their first meeting. It would be an amazing introduction.
  28. Richard Harris. Such a great Dumbledore.
  29. I love that every wizard child’s future is determined by an old, dusty hat.
  30. Fascinating. Harry’s scar is burning because of Quirrel, NOT because of Snape.
  31. Hermione looks pissed when Dumbledore winks at Harry. That’s what makes her Queen.
  32. The food was the best part of Hogwarts for me. Imagining an endless feast with pounds of mashed potatoes is everything.
  33. Nearly Headless Nick!!!!
  34. Seeing all of these introductions to the world is so much fun! The staircases, the moving paintings, the common room. It’s all the best.
  35. Also, screw you Percy.
  36. The most unbelievable aspect of this world is the dorm room windows that just open to a 200-foot drop with no screens.
  37. Snape is the teacher who has been dealing with crappy students for decades and is tired of their crap.
  38. I LOVE Harry’s notes, recording every word Snape says. Then he just gets embarrassed in front of everyone.
  39. Seamus’ most notable cause is trying to get drunk in the dining hall. Ridiculous.
  40. Admittedly, I hate the thought of receiving mail from owls. It seems magical but you know they’re all getting pooped on.
  41. Gotta love Neville’s clumsiness. Being the first to get his broom off the ground is definitely one of the only things he’s succeeded at.
  42. Dude, always listen to Hermione. You ARE an idiot for chasing after Malfoy.
  43. I love that the ghosts are gossips. Spilling tea all over the hallways.
  44. Of course Hermione knows where the random trophy section is. One day and she knows all.
  45. The scariest of villains is most surely Mrs. Norris.
  46. Animated moments like the 3-headed dog definitely age the movie, but it’s still epic.
  47. The most Hermione thing ever is the belief that expulsion is worse that death. Get that education, girl!
  48. I’m always amazed that a bunch of kids are actually allowed to play Quidditch. I can’t imagine a game that could cause more broken bones or deaths than flying around and getting hit with balls that have a mind of their own.
  49. The snitch has always bothered me as well. Why does everyone mess around trying to score points when catching the snitch just automatically wins the game?
  50. I love how enchanted all of the kids are by magic at the beginning.
  51. I also don’t remember Seamus being such a terrible student. He’s almost blown himself up twice in the first week.
  52. Also, get out of here Ron with your Mean Girls attitude toward Hermione.
  53. Wow, good job Quirrel. Nothing like terrifying an entire school by screaming about trolls. Don’t apply for a management position.
  54. I forgot about Hermione almost dying at the hands of the troll. Assasination attempt one of thirty thousand in the series.
  55. How did Quirrel get his job in the Dark Arts? He’s the biggest weenie ever. Having a dark lord living on your head doesn’t mean you’re a badass.
  56. Even I can tell how basic that Nimbus 2000 is. That’s like having an iPhone 2.
  57. Great pep talk, Oliver. Harry looks like he’s about to pee himself.
  58. I prefer the darker, dirtier renditions of the quidditch stadium.
  59. Slytherin kind of sucks at quidditch. Shameful.
  60. How are there no penalties in quidditch? You can literally do anything to anyone and the game still goes on. They’ve almost killed two players and everyone is just like “welp, that’s a shame.”
  61. Girl, Snape is NOT jinxing the broom, he’s trying to save him!
  62. Nobody could do a pull-up in mid-air onto a broom.
  63. I forgot the enormous dog is named Fluffy. I love Hagrid.
  64. Wizard’s chess is amazing. I love the concept of the pieces attacking each other.
  65. Girl, how do you know about the restricted section? You cray.
  66. Awwwwww, he’s never received a Christmas present before. The Dursley’s are actually Satan.
  67. The invisibility cloak is kind of pretty, actually. Though the following scene makes it look like a funeral veil.
  68. Screaming books! I need to get me a couple of those.
  69. Dude, you can’t hide from Mrs. Norris. She sees all. She knows all. She is all.
  70. It’s so sad when he sees his parents in the mirror. Poor kid.
  71. Hogwarts just looks so shiny and new in this movie. It’s like they stopped pressure washing the stone after the second movie.
  72. Now, tell me why the sorcerer’s stone turns things to gold AND gives you immortality? It makes sense that you need money to be alive forever but still, it seems too convenient.
  73. I love that Hagrid can’t keep a secret to save his damn life.
  74. That egg is HUGE! It’s our first dragon!!!
  75. Little tattle-tits Malfoy. I love that he gets detention – he was breaking the damn rules too.
  76. Also, Dolores, it’s time to retire that sleeping bonnet. It’s not 1842 anymore.
  77. Poor Hagrid, always losing pets because other people suck.
  78. The concept of overnight detention in a dangerous forest is pretty hilarious, if you think about it.
  79. Fang is the most laugh-out-loud character in the Harry Potter universe.
  80. Poor unicorn. I’m channeling Legend pretty deeply at the moment. If only Tom Cruise had centaurs to guard him.
  81. One of the most respectable things about Rowling is how she doesn’t shy away from the hard topics like death or evil. Kids can handle the truth, and she gives it to them.
  82. I love that they’re total Hagrid groupies from the beginning. And he goes along with it, even though he just wants to be left alone with his weird animals.
  83. A new thing I noticed – the ghost continuing her education with Professor McGonnagal. Even in death, she’s writing essays at a desk. Admirable.
  84. They’re all so tiny!
  85. Poor Neville, always getting the raw end of the deal.
  86. I love the set of traps! Always fun to watch.
  87. Only British school kids would wear sweaters and khakis to explore a dungeon.
  88. Enormous wizard chess has to be somebody’s dream. I’m picturing an amazing chess consultant on staff.
  89. I’d be screwed. How does Ron just know the names of the squares. Honestly, chess is like some strange foreign language to me. One I have no desire to learn.
  90. Aww, the power of friendship. Everyone should have a friend like Hermione.
  91. Boom, ain’t no Snape up in here, it’s the creepy dude with the turban.
  92. This is Harry’s most important lesson. Never trust a professor that isn’t completely confident in everything they say.
  93. Eww, there is nothing more disgusting than when Quirrel takes off his turban. I hope getting old doesn’t mean I have a wrinkled old man on my neck.
  94. Don’t believe that creepy dude. He can’t bring your parents back!
  95. Why doesn’t Quirrel just fling an unforgivable curse at Harry? Choking him is a weird choice.
  96. Wow, watching Quirrel disintegrate is deeply disturbing. Definitely don’t remember this. Clearly I’m a Harry Potter amateur.

An important lesson for bloggers: always select a publish date in the future in case you accidentally click publish instead of save draft. As I made this rookie mistake, there are a couple more thoughts that didn’t make it into the emailed version of this post.

  1. I’m glad we get an answer on Quirrel. It’s interesting that ‘love’ can cause a man’s skin to burn off his face.
  2. I’m proud to say I’ve tried all of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavored Beans. They’re pretty awful, which makes them amazing.
  3. They’re so chilll after almost dying.
  4. Dumbledore’s robe is very Ghost of Christmas Past. And there’s no beard jewelry!
  5. I love the look on Snape’s face when Dumbledore starts awarding extra points. He’s about to lay hands on him for sure.
  6. I’m now realizing that they don’t get anything for winning the house cup. Am I right about that? Why does everyone get so bent out of shape when they lose nothing?
  7. Awww, I forgot that Neville won them the house cup. Cute!
  8. This really isn’t a great lesson to text the kids. Break into forbidden parts of the castle, risk your lives and you’ll overwrite an entire year of hard work. I don’t say this just because I’m Slytherin.

 

Photo by Jongsun Lee on Unsplash

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